Evaluation & Reflection (Wayne's Gone)

I do not like writing these posts because they suck.

Yet again, I am faced with a very real situation with death, and this time it comes from a distance.

In these last few years I've lost two people close to me, one indirectly, and one very close.

When it is family you can never prepare for this eventuality.

Even when it is with tertiary things (mostly with distant entertainment) that leaves a residual scar as the things that pass time effortlessly along and to have a dependency on their creativity to help our journey are now gone.

I've never liked having to pay tributes to people, because I believe life is tribute to the fact we are still here, kicking ass, doing our thing.

But here I feel so heartbroken, in essence I had to step back for a bit to catch my thoughts.

Death in any form is a process of life.

This is the just way it goes when we are living, its that eventuality that we keep that at bay while trying out new avenues, new adventures, new friendships, starting families, and other distractions to keep this reality at bay.

I've had this truth imbued in me since I was a young lad.

I think we try to forget about this finality and hope that everything will work out.

Sometimes that doesn't always happen.

Instead we all cope with the loss, some more dramatic, others very subtlety.

Nothing surprises me much anymore, but when something this pronounce happens, everyone stops and reflects on their journey with how one person or persons changed their course in life whether good or bad.

Outcomes are fluid, but nevertheless we all strive to achieve what we think is the best outcome to our journey. 

Like my Dave Brockie post, Wayne Static is another piece of my growth who is now gone, all to soon.

I am beside myself at this point.

The very things that helped me, are going away, and there is nothing I can do to reverse the course.

Music is my life.

In every capacity.

It has helped me with my diagnosis.

In very strange way music became my surrogate family when my own family chose the path they went on.

I went in a different direction absorbing everything the world could throw at me.

Along the way there have been bumps and bruises.

Yet I've always lived an honest life.

It maybe time to evaluate what music means again, but this time to be impartial, and to dissect the nuances of intent, because I am seeing more and more of this as I've grown older in my observations.

From now on I chose to impart my life's story to people.

That every step we take inches us closer to the final frontier.

It is here that I say thanks to those who've traversed this blog.

Though nameless, at least some of you thought what I do means something.

Lets celebrate the life we live.

No more living under fear.

Don't keep it inside.

Say what you mean, mean what you say, but do not be mean. Thanks for reading.

B.

My Music Journey Part 4

My Music Journey Part IV: The 2000's onward & evolving

Part of what makes music so personal to me is how much of a constant companion it's been in my journey. Through my ebb and flow, music has been a constant evolution with my growth but also as a guide along my many tribulations. But, and I say this tepidly as there was a period where I was not so keen with popularity, and this thrusted me into going underground. To a large degree I'm locked into this thinking today, and haven't really budged on it since the 1990s.

By the mid to late 90's I really didn't connect with any of the pop construct, nor was I interested in whatever was coined 'next' scene. For me the 90's decade was my slide into extreme music. It was during this decade that was met with small successes, and a great many disappointments.

Since 2000 onward has seen major shifts in my collecting. I adopted very early the digital format, and once in a while I'll purchase an occasional LP. I delved further into extreme European music, and I would go back and find bands I missed out on.

My penchant for spending money for music collecting is often deluded down to freebees because of cost, and the near impossibility to afford everything out there. I do have a few staples that I am committed towards, plus funds definitely can be a bit 800lb gorilla to track down especially when an economy is not very supportive of that endeavor.

This decade has seen rise of online streaming services. Streaming is the next wave of music evolution that I do not believe I'll bite on. A lot of my reasoning is that I like the ability to own, and seek out music on my own. I don't believe in streaming because I feel it is legalized extortion, which was borne out of the ashes of the RIAA nonsense and pay per use format. (There is ample info out there, I won't get into the details here)

I am a product of the late 20th century whom still believes in collecting (to some respect) and listening to long play formats. I'm not a singular song type of person (even though there are a few here and there), my overall collection is comprised of albums from bands I follow. I think and adamantly believe in hearing the overall scope of the material.

I also feel as the connection i.e. tactile connection has become broken because music isn't listened as a solitary experience anymore.  A greater portion of enjoying music is geared towards social aspects. I suppose the sharing construction is in the public domain but I've not ever really connected in that format. I've contemplated where things shifted so quickly, because I've seen many aspects pushed out at long distances.

Where I grew into music, it was controlled, there were people whom 'found' the next band, or seeking out indie types who would play stuff that was off the path. A lot of what I've seen is tons of music and wading through the material is rife with patience. One has to dig, dig, and dig some more to find that gem in a flooded field of similar kinds of sounds.

In my youth radio often would be the go to for finding out new talent, now its reality shows, Youtube, and social media as means to get music out there. I truly feel out of the loop when it comes to new material, as I don't connect with it in any shape. But because I'm an outsider its interesting to watch the divisions and debates taking place with styles no matter the genre or era.

Though I've adapted to each successive format cassette tape, compact disc, mp3, and LP, I still feel as though I'm taking my experiences along in my journey to share with others whom are interested. Finally, I feel everything is connected, and I've learned more about who I am as a listener. Whether or not I am a fan or not, because music is something that gleams happiness in a lot of peoples lives. That in itself creates good vibes with large and small groups of people. Music will always thrive because humans are drawn to sound. Thanks for reading.

B.

My Music Journey Part 3

My Music Journey Part III: The 90's Era


My exposure to radio had me excited meeting my favorite personalities. Voice is often much different than what a person imagines the DJ to be. Radio is a voice speaking from an ether talking to anyone who is a dedicated listener can imagine what the voice would look like. Having heard that there was an expectation with imagination versus real often is a unnerving experience to behold.

What was curious to me with radio is there is a mixing board, and with each section whether it be tape, compact disc, or record there are presets in which a DJ will tinker with to get the right tonality. I didn't know that commercials were recorded on old 8 track tapes, and I also didn't know at that time what broadcast frequencies were. I just wanted to be where the action was.

My first exposure was meeting Bill Alred a radio personality of (then) KJQ at a jewelery store gig. At first I was thrown off by it, as I was not prepared in how radio involves a type of personality (like a job) whereas I was under the guise it was make belief. Little did I know that I was in for a complete shock! When I moved on to another radio station, that experience prepared me, I was better equipped to learn and observe how two DJ's Greg and Ron at KBER 101 made DJing work. I met those cats in the summer of 1992/93.

As quickly as I was introduced to radio, a change was coming. Like KJQ, which became X96, KBER also would see a shift in its on air personalities, and format change within a couple years. This article though written later in the decade explains what was happening to radio stations throughout the 90's with terrestrial radio.

Subsequently KBER changed their format again to a more contemporary alternative style (mid 90's), as the station introduced a quaint discussion show called Ground Zero hosted by Clyde Lewis. From recollection this was really weird, and I remember calling into the show a couple times to talk about Michael Diana (Artist from Florida), and the Heaven's Gate suicide. In 1997 the writing was pretty much sealing my radio foray. Though it was a brief entrance, I got to be a fly somewhat to the cog of the machinations of broadcast.

My next introduction was being a concert goer. Though I've not had the luxury to see shows like some, I felt that I could be there in spirit. Yet it was never the same, in any capacity because I felt cheated. I still feel robbed of not seeing bands when I could, and there are a great many.

One of the most unfortunate situations to befall me was in 1991 I had the opportunity to see Living Colour touring in support of Time's Up. I had the money to get tickets but I was in the deep throes of personal adversity. I finally was able to see these guys in May 2001 which more than made up for the long wait.

My first concert was Metallica's The Black Album tour in (02/10/1992). I wasn't sure what to expect, and because of the largeness, I was thrown off by the whole affair. I wasn't uncomfortable, I was intrigued, but little did I know this would be last time I would see or listen to this band in a long time.

My second concert of that year was Suicidal Tendencies/Megadeth (11/28/92)at the Salt Palace before it closed down in 1994. At this concert I got to see two of my favorite bands play. But, I was more taken aback with the whole thing because of my vantage point, technically nose bleed section. I also couldn't stay the full show because of a commitment to my education. I was also able to see Dave Mustaine completely give rise to some jackass who got up on stage. Hair flung all over, and quickly the individual was taken off stage. Just as quick as I was into the show experience, it was over.

When I couldn't afford the tickets to shows, I reserved myself to the notion of complete portability (Sony Walkman), and at that time I was pretty much into anything that was off the radar or extreme as possible. This means of portability was often met with stop gaps with gaining and losing what I was collecting. At that time the idea of cloud for music storage was not even in the lexicon.

Collector wise my first cassette tape was Crowded House Temple Of Lowmen. My first Compact Disc was Front Line Assembly Gashed Senses and Crossfire. My first LP was DEVO Freedom Of Choice. Each one in their own place in my journey, were lost along the way.

By 1994 I acquired my 'second' official boombox, a JVC single CD, dual cassette deck stereo system. That JVC just blew the doors off the other units, and I was happy.  That unit was my constant companion until 1998 when sadly I had to give it away.

A lot of the 90's was a decade of shape shifting, and portability with entertainment. Like today there are correlations with taking music with you, in a portable way. Though I don't entirely agree with the mechanism of which is used now, the point remains life creates change and listeners and supporters of music have to adapt along the way.

But for me the 90's was a lost decade. I missed a great many shows from bands whom lost singers, guitar players, and the such. The painful realization of lost chances and the fact I can't change them. For most it was a decade of risks, starting families, and profitability.

I was lost because I had nothing to connect with as a listener. Bands I listened to in the late 80's and early 90's had grown out of the rough and unpolished into an established sound. It was hard for me to really get into. I began to take my music journey into darker recesses of extreme music because I felt alienated, and disenfranchised with the whole thing. I connected with the extreme sound because it guided my intense love for independence.

I suppose for the most part that I was seen by many to be extreme in my rigidity or inflexibility. Some would view it snobbish, brute, and ogrish. I was determined to find the next more advanced sound out in the world. I was dedicated to finding anything different and off the path. Because I had no connection to the alternative scene, I was an outsider that didn't quite fit the mold of what was out at the time.

Though I've tempered in my assessment of sorts, I still have retained my intensity and love for new music. I have to say its jarring to look back at this time and remember vividly everything, new release Tuesdays, bands whom were prominent, and when they fell, etc. Next is the 2000's decade and how the internet rekindled my interest. Thanks for reading.

B.

My Music Journey Part 2

My Music Journey Part II: The 80's


It wouldn’t be until 1983, where I received for Christmas from my grandfather a small blue colored Radio Shack AM/FM pocket radio.  Using two AA batteries (which would often drain quickly), I would parlay across the radio dial checking out whatever I could get my curious ears around. Big band swing, mutterings of old classic radio broadcasts, AM talk radio, old easy listening jams, classic country music, 60's pop, and local news.

My world changed with intermittent reception (when I could get it) of pop songs from artists like Cyndi Lauper, Madonna, Ah-Ha, Wham!, and many, many others. What was often disorienting was having the modern sound while my father was still holding onto his music collection, while also adopting the next iteration of the music evolution: the double cassette tape deck,  housed inside a modernized stereo receiver, and the old standby record player. I vividly remember the smell of cassette tapes, and the odor of a freshly unpacked stereo.

My father gradually made his adjustment into country music, whilst moving away from the 60's and 70's music. I must confess here that I wasn't as interested in country. I felt it was extremely pretentious. In fact it grated upon my growing curiosity, of which is why I'm hardened from that exposure.

From 1983 to 84, there was so much material I had hard time keeping tabs on bands, or scenes. I wasn't quite ready to delve into it as I was still too young to understand the meaning or inflection. What I do remember were subtle differences, the exoticism of material so completely removed from the motif of a previous decade.  During this brief moment I was just getting into The Stray Cats, and then poof, it was gone.

By 1986, my introduction to a Sanyo M-4440 portable Walkman (borrowed from a friend) gave me unfettered access to radio, and when I could get them tapes. One of the coolest memories I had was the intense feeling of first hearing Peter Gabriel's Big Time, and the booming "Hi there!" with headphones was exciting. From other bands like The Georgia Satellites, Genesis, Yes, Simply Red, U2, Adrian Belew, and The Beastie Boys.

After thumbing through the dial, I zeroed in on a strange radio station called KJQ. Hailing from Ogden, Utah, KJQ was atypical radio station playing top 40 music, but late in 1986/87 the station would later change its format to a ‘Modern Music’ aspect, and I would be along for the ride up until early spring of 1991 when the station folded, then moved to Provo, and was reborn as X96.

By winter of 1987 I received a Panasonic RX-C36 AM/FM stereo, with a single cassette tape boom box, with two blank TDK tapes from my father. Using what I learned from radio broadcasts, I learned how to make mix tapes. I learned how to perfect the stop start format when a DJ would speak, the timing of commercial breaks, or cutting into or out of a song. It was like fine precision, I was an eager student of instinct i.e knowing when, and where to edit. Sometimes I would miss horribly, but when I was on, I couldn’t be stopped!

Since I lacked funds, or a feasible allowance, I’d set about using one of the two cassette tapes to make a Boingo Alive cassette. This was around mid 1988,  I created the artwork, and made liner notes. Though I didn’t quite have 30 songs like the actual cassette version which was released, this still didn’t take away from my first attempt at a close resemblance to owning one.

By 1991, the Panasonic finally gave up, it serviced my ability to make many mix tapes that I would give to my schoolmate Stefano, whom would send tapes back and forth via school. This was a way for me to be creative during my more rough and somewhat often difficult teenage years.

I then went portable owning two Sony Walkmans in the early 90s, and then I would return to the boombox system in 1994 with a JVC CD player. I had moved into a new area of my life, I was knee deep in the throes of extreme music, which I'll explain more of in part III. Thanks for reading.

B.

My Music Journey Part 1

Part I: My beginnings the 70's

With the way things are today with digital technology permeating the landscape, as portability has made music as a always connected, and dedicated construct. There was a time when one could sit down, pop open a record, read the liner notes, marvel at the artwork, and listen. In this post I write about my foray into music. As we all are accustomed to with time, things have changed considerably. Gone are the 8 track tape players, cassette tapes, laser discs, mini discs, and soon Compact Discs and DVD’s. Through all the changes, where we are currently with file formats MP3, OGG, M4a, Flac, and streaming, LP’s still stick around. Now before I get all teary eyed, and reminisce I must set the stage of where my introduction to music came from.

My introduction to music was through my father and his LP’s. Records like Elton John’s Goodbye Yellow brick Road, Jim Croce’s You Don’t Mess Around With Jim, Life and Times, The Animals, The Beatles, The Carpenters, and ABBA. With those records the warm timber resonated from an analog format long forgotten in today's world. My father was a huge audiophile. Nothing would skip past his attention, yet sadly he lost the drive to continue moving with the music in terms of change, he always had a fondness for those classic records.

Quadraphonic setups were all the rage of the 1970′s, I would sit in front of my dad’s Goliath speakers and feel the pops, tones, varied pitches, bass, and drumming of those analog records.  Through my father. my introduction to music was in my early youth (during mid 1970′s), some songs would stick in my head. Melodies from Jim Croce’s song Time In A Bottle for example, employs a note from the acoustic guitar, which is jarring as it is eerily haunting.

Whereas The Animal’s song House Of The Rising Sun uses a crescendo vocal style, and a side stepping guitar riff.  Then there is Elton John’s Funeral For A Friend/Love Lies Bleeding a varied note which drags out into a monolithic progression inside an ever changing landscape of sound.  Some of those songs would stick around in my head.  Hearing other groups like The Carpenters, and ABBA would supplant more weird compositions, and would implant within me the typical cliche type song structures.

I was often left with this curious question: How could a person harness the ability to contain, wrangle, or throttle something one couldn’t see, but can feel and hear? Since I was really young I didn’t understand the inner workings of science, or the concepts of what sound is, I had to trust my lack of understanding of what I was hearing. At that time, I was supposed to be playing with other children,  and learning about being a kid. Why was I listening to these crazy records? Pure innate curiosity.

At an early age I didn’t have the ability to discern what was considered appropriate material, so anything I heard was without a filter. This meant I was exposed to records that were created under political motivations, storytelling, or altered states of being. Not that I could understand what the lyrics to some of The Doors songs. or trying to figure out what the hell the Beatles were yammering on with Lucy In the Sky With Diamonds. I had questions to what was I was listening to. I wanted answers, but I had no way to effectively convey the right question, or how to ask it. If I did ask it was often met with blank stares, and scolded.

This would start my eventual dislike of the era. I was bothered by the love movement, it irked me that the concept of sharing, peace, harmony, and altered states of consciousness. I disliked disco because of the spastic, redundant, and party time atmosphere. I was too young to understand the complexion, undertones, and motivations of the work. It was when I became older, more aware of the world around me to really get what was out there.

Next up part II...Thanks for reading.

B.